tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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