she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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