period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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