Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize