Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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