mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
