so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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