and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
