I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
