God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
