Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
