HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
