oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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