i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
