FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I AM VODKA MAN
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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