Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
