i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
