I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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