Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
