Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
