I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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