How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize