its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
