Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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