My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
