Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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