Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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