I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
