She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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