The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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