I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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