Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
