he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
