dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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