Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We need to feng shui this bitch.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
