Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
