Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
