Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
