i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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