got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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