It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
