I can feel you judging me through the phone.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
