I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
