so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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