he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
