Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
