The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
