Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
