Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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