judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
