I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
