I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize