two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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