You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
