I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
