you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
