Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
