morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
