That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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