Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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