So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
