I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
