I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
