I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
