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Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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